I admit that I’ve been somewhat desperate or irrational these days—partly because of a serious misunderstanding and partly because of my work.

The emotional issue was raised by a ridiculous suspension from one of my most intimate persons for which I could hardly bear and handle. I firmly assume there is a mutual trust between us but I do not expect it to be so fragile. For me, this is not only a matter of personal inclination but rather a doubt in the confidence of our long-lasting partnership. I was anxious, ambivalent, confused, helpless, and most importantly, suspicious whether our relationship will be easily affected and ruined by another gossip?

Work is also a disaster for me recently. I have teemed much passion and energy on the current Blue Nile River Bridge construction of which others are very concerned and focused. However, the output turned out to be quite pessimistic and discouraging. I now start to re-evaluate myself if I’m capable and suitable for my current work. Construction does not simple involve  good communication with the Consultants or providing sufficient logistic support for the site work. It essentially requires a general and comprehensive knowledge(particularlly some special skills and technics) of this area. As an old saying goes: “Differece in profession makes one feel worlds apart.” I’m now working in another country, but I definitely don’t want to work in anther world.

One of my best friend is getting married on March 16. We’ve made a reciprocal agreement that we will serve the groosman for each other before but this seems to be unachievable now. I wish to send him something for soothing my uneven heart but again he told me there was nothing specific he wanted. The moment I saw their wedding photos made me feel they are happy enough to share the rest of their lives, or perhaps more than enough. The other motion is how about my own plan?

Forgiveness means giving another chance—for others and for myself as well. I now need something to light up my mind and I hope this could do.